Saturday, 6 December 2014

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A LAGOSIAN

                                                              
The alarm start blaring and time check its 4 o’clock or 4:30am. Alarms are set according to the location you reside or proximity to the office. Though, even if you failed to set an alarm, those ambitious evangelists who wear that green banner on their body may probably be in the neighborhood by 5 am or the mosque down the street will switch on its amplifier by 5 am too for the first call to prayer. There is absolutely no need to snooze your alarm or ignore the sound from our religious fellow, because an attempt to do so either means you begins your day in a frustrating way or you will have your boss issuing you warning for coming late, your boss might may not necessary be very timely but he takes proximity sacrosanct as he lives very close to the office. After all he is a boss and can afford the cut throat rent. A lower cadre employee dares no such thing as he can’t even boast of a meager savings after a month expenses.
Depending on your apartment type, the bathroom may attend to you on a first come first serve basis if you reside in a FACE ME I FACE YOU apartment but if you are lucky enough to live in a self contain you quickly rush through your shower, get dressed and hit the road before it is past 5 o’clock. The buses popularly known as Danfo are never off the road. They are always at your service but you need to be smart at all time while commuting with these buses, their conductors are steady bullies, you must develop the bully tactics to be able to stand their antics and challenge them when necessary. They often talk like they own the heavens, but trust me they are often the laziest you probably would have imagine; the manner they change their tone and prostrate before you when they meet a superior power you can but appreciate their creativity in acting. Some Danfo are notorious for ONE CHANCE, the day you be a victim of one chance you will have eternal phobia joining Danfo. That is the easiest way to be robbed off your items. They come in the guise of commuters heading your destination as soon as they have you in their net only divine intervention can guarantee what your safety will become. Thank God for the selective banning of Okada from some major roads, if it was in the days of Okada you will always feel at risk stepping out of your house as early as 5 am; as there might be one bike chilling in a hideout waiting to snatch a bag from an unlucky lady passing by. The option of joining a Danfo is often because it’s the commuter that is easily available, though, you could be lucky to get private car taking passengers heading their direction just to augment their fuel expenses. Vigilance is always the word in Lagos, if you don’t thread with caution, you could be a victim of the ritualist or kidnappers who come in this guise. BRT-LAGBUS still remain the safest means of commuting; they convey you efficiently to your nearest bus stop and more comfortable, all that is changing now as those buses have become over aged in their looks, seeming like they lack maintenance and they are almost likened to the MOLUE as the people standing in every journey are more than those sitting.
The traffic are usually mild if you step out early enough and you are sure of having a choked free ride to your destination, if you are unlucky and you get trapped in the traffic it becomes the countless miracle you expect like every other problem you wish God brings a helper like every other Nigerian. The buses are usually over loaded as everyone is seated clustered with no space to even take your money out of your pocket when it is time to pay. A five minutes break down or disruption of the traffic flow can cause a perennial jam for the rest of that day unless you are fortunate to have sane LASTMA officials on that axis. In Lagos every one is in a hurry, no one is orderly; the commuters are steadily shunting from one lane to the other thereby causing more jam on the road. If you have become used to the system then it is less hassle getting to your destination on time as you will know the best means to do that. In Lagos, traffic is not an excuse of being late; if that is your excuse I am sure after repeated warning at the office you will have no choice than to get used to the system. It is very simple; wake up early before the cockcrows, set out and if you find a good space in the bus you get others to enjoy the rhythm of your snoring while the journey progress but some days you may not be very lucky when there is a sister that will be strategically seated to let out the word PRAISE THE LORD when the journey takes off. The sermon will always get to your attention as it either come in two fold; it either tells you how you haven’t tapped into the prosperity of God and dishes out to you the prophesy that will make you see yourself as a Dangote in the next hour or it steadily reminds you of the gory tale about hell fire. Trust me no one is righteous and everyone is wary about what becomes of them on the last day. At the office almost everyone has an early morning sleeping position, where they quickly have a nap before it is logging time.
Another interesting side of the journey is being in the company of a favourite radio station. Lagosians are radio lovers; whatever being your personality, there is a radio station for you.  Jimi Disu on classic FM is always there to remind you on the lopsidedness of our political system and steadily analysing of who is right and wrong, Manni and the Angels also doing their thing on Cool FM, Yoor is always at it for the pidgin lovers on Wazobia FM, Niger FM also does its thing, the football lovers have Brila FM telling you who will and lose in the next EPL match, inspiration FM with Dallas and Eyor doing their hilarious thing. The list is endless.
The time zone of Lagos is probably different from other part of Nigeria as other part seems faster than Lagos, just saying. By the time its 5 pm which is the official closing hour the roads have becomes jammed once more and the journey home is probably less interesting like the morning rush hour as almost everyone has totally become exhausted. The stretch of lights from the cars often seems endless and makes one wonder when they will get home.  Radio stations have totally up their marketing strategies as they have programs for every traffic situation.  This is the time when sharing life issues are humming from Inspiration FM and Rhythm FM.  By the time you finally get home and you decide to rest before taking your shower your consciousness will probably be regained when nature starts calling and you realize that you have been deeply asleep a realm where both the rich and the poor are in an egalitarian brotherhood. Before you can settle to have a real decent sleep the alarm will come calling again and you are on your way back to the shower.

Lagos na wa.

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